You would never know

You would never know

that you were alone

if you never felt the comfort of company.

And, if that company is discomforting, then maybe

you will seek loneliness, 

and you can be your company.

Because the ones I love abandoned me,

only to return much later

in hopes to fix

the life I lived,

but I am the only one who can do that.

So, you are forgiven,

but forgive me because I locked myself in this shelter,

resorting to media to make me feel better.

Like, whatever is on the screen,

Craving different dreams;

Yet none of it will set me free,

but will kinda help me get through the night,

or day.

As I lay awake 

thinking too much,

Staring long, but not long enough

because nothing in this 24 hour day has changed

and in three-hundred sixty-somethin’ of those,

nothing has gone my way

and a decade has passed 

since I recall a different me;

Younger, more immature, longing to be free,

but still alone and lonely

because somehow

I found comfort in my loneliness,

whether I was forced to or not,

and now I’m locked in this box

with only half of me wanting to get out,

and most of me on my own

because you would never know

if the company you seek

will be better than the company of being alone.

“I wrote this poem in March of 2018. I had just been cut from my first professional basketball team overseas, and landed a job in Greece where I would experience depression, anxiety, betrayal, and a number of other “life” obstacles. I remember thinking that I wanted to help others who may be going through some of the same difficulties as me. I wanted to give those without a voice, a voice, and those with a voice, another voice! I wanted to connect to people dealing with mental health issues, like me, and do my best to influence and motivate anyone to overcome these sort of adversities.

This was the original idea behind Thoughts Need Company. I felt alone, in my thoughts, and they needed ‘company.’ My thoughts needed to stay busy, they needed drive, they needed meditation, they needed something to help me get through that season of my life.

So, I decided to write this poem to represent those who feel betrayed or alone, and who have become so accustomed to that feeling of depression, loneliness, and anxiety, that they have found a sort of comfort in that space. As we are creatures of habit, we create, knowingly and unknowingly, good and bad habits. And, at times we can ‘get used to’ being stuck in a bad space.

Thoughts Need Company aims to help others escape that ‘bad space’ and connect with people in order to grow and succeed. This poem not only represents how I felt at the time, but how many may feel when dealing with mental health issues.

Hope you enjoy.”

-DJ